I quit smoking on March 22, 2011 with Electronic Cigarettes

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Quiting smoking sucks....

Gosh, I keep appologizing lately, but I am just not able to keep up.
I have NO get up and go. and I am sooo tired.
Just another thing to chalk up to the chantix. Plus I am in a REALLY bad mood ALL the time.

Matter of fact, it reminds me of easter 2 years ago. But I know that I will NOT be in that situation again. EVER. But it still scares me, the simularities. I blamed it on the Chantix then too.

But I am in a really bad mood all the time, dont care about anything, and I am not craving cigerettes. Its just because I know I am quitting, and I dont want to. Its like telling me that in 2 weeks I will no longer have food. You'd be grumpy too.

Everythin grates on my nerve. More than before. and I have worse memory than ever. I know I am scatterbrained, but its getting rediculious.

I am down to 11 standard chickens (that the chicken you THINK of when you think chickens. Rhode Island Reds, Buff Orpeningtons, Ameriucanas, large breed chickens) I put 16 out there, but slowly I have managed to loose a few. What I think is happening is, They get into the hog pen, and a hawk sweeps down and gets them. And it happens between 3 and dark. Because everytime I have lost one, the last time I seen them all was anywhere from 3 to 4pm.

Yes, the pigs COULD be getting them. BUT I have had a few go into the hog pen and the hogs mostly ignored them. PLUS, aside from a few feathers, and I mean VERY few, there is no evidence. The hogs would leave at least a few feathers. And there is no feathers, bones or such in their droppings. I have checked.
I have set up the game camera to catch it all. BUt so far, all I have caught are some bluebirds, REdbirds, and me or the kids or the dogs.

When it first happened I told BR I wanted to totally ENCLOSE the coop. When we moved the hogs feeding/bedding area into half the coop, we just put up the hog panel, which the chickens can walk right through, So I wanted to go up to the ceiling with chicken wire. Keep them out, at least until they were older, and a little bigger.
Instead he said 2 feet of wire across the bottom would be sufficiant. So, after I lost 4 more, I decided I wanted a run, for the chickens to get OUT of the coop into. The coop is NOWHERE big enough for those 11, plus the 11 I have in the house. Not since we cut it in half.

THis went on for a week or so. Finally, I told him, I was just going to take two posts, sink them in the ground and nail up some chicken wire. I had that roll of 6 foot left over that BR didnt want to use. Since he belives I am incapable of anything that requires a hammer, nails and a small amount of intelegence (and this project requires a VERY small amount) he decided that a tactic other than ignoring my request was needed. He at least had to humor me for a few minutes.

So, down we went. We measured, Did that stupid theoryiagim triangle thing, or what ever its called, to get the measurement for side C so it would be square, and we hemed we hawed, we discussed and BR said it just wouldnt work. And even though I knew it would I said "Okay".

He said the posts would only be 5 1/2 foot tall, the wire was 6ft.
I said it was okay if it stuck up over the posts a few inches.
He said the ground went up hill, it would never pull tight, and look crappy the whole time.
I said it would be fine, I was just keeping in a few birds. and They wouldnt care if it was wavy.

He wondered if we had enough of the 50 foot roll left. I told him I reckoned we had about 35 feet.
How did I reckon on that?
well, the 3 or so feet that was all messed up when we got it at the start of the roll, the 7 or so feet that was cut off to put on the first wall we did-- but not used, because it was too much work and I ended up buying a 2 ft roll and a 4ft roll instead, and the 5 or so feet we cut out to make those 2 foot peices that we put in the weekend before.
So he decided to roll it out. To show me there wasnt enough. It measured at 36 feet almost exactly.

okay, there is 36 feet, how did I plan on using it?
12 feet down, 10 feet across (the width of the coop) and 12 feet back up.

It would be hard to cover that on top. plus, he didnt want the 6ft wire coming up to meet the 5ft coop on the backside. It would look crappy.
14 feet down, 6 foot across, and 14 feet back up. but since we had more than the 35 or so that I thought we had, we could do 15 down and back. The wall runs the back 4 feet of the coop, and wire runs the other 6, and its only dropped 1/2 foot at that point.
Plus, the deer netting that I planned to buy for the top comes in a 7 foot or 12 foot width...

He asked about a top.
I told him I planned on getting deer netting. He said this would trash it up. asked what the hell deer netting even was, how I was going to attach it.
He asked about what it was made of, how thick it was, if I even knew Lowes had it.

I said I had no clue, others used it, I had heard good things, and apparently its a pretty common item. Lowes website said they did indeed have it at the store.

He asked about getting INTO the run, (because we are coming off a wall that is ONLY chicken wire), I told him I was just going to put a small 3 foot tall door on hinges coming off the existing post on the left side the coop, making a 2X4 frame and latching it.

that would never work. something about not enough room (its 4 6 feet there, and I wanted the door 2 foot wide, plus it would swing towards the other wall and lay flush.

I said just a gap. like we used to do on cow pasture. I wouldnt need in there often, so just a post I took out of a hole and moved to the side with wire attached would work find. It could be tied back when it wasnt in use and noone would be the wiser.

He would NOT have a 'gap' on his property. That was the stupidest thing ever invented. Thats why they make gates.

He said just to make it open. Well, the new run is in NO way varmit proof. The coop has issues at the rafters where you could throw a good sized cat through, BUT I plan on covering that with hardware cloth.

of course when he pointed out the coop wasnt varmit proof either, and I pointed out I was going to do the hardware cloth, he said I was 'junking it up'

Personally, I dont care if it would embarress Fred Sanford, as long as I get fresh eggs and the occasional rooster hatched out to butcher and eat.

He told me I should just cut their wings. LIke I said I was going to. Well, that only works a little. They can still jump...

So I went into the coop, sent Brett after my sissors and started cutting wings.

That took about 15 minutes. And I was done, with birds jumpin everywhere. so I started back to the house, he decided that he would just humor me and do it. Actually he said he was doing it so I wouldnt be cranky and mean all day. I wasnt. I could care less. I dont make the money, I dont have to work 2 full days to pay for all the chickens and the pen. If they all die in the next week, thats just sweat off his rear. All I did was take care of them in the house.

Now, I do like them, and I do want them. But, I am trying my hardest to treat them as what they are. LIvestock. For a simple reason. They WILL die. They WILL be killed, they WILL get eggbound, prolapse, change from cute fluffy litte chicks that are supposed to be pulletts into a full fledged rooster and have to be culled. Its life.

Oh, back to my chicken house saga... IT seriously took 45 minutes to put the posts in the ground, and the wire up. But I came back to the house a little early. Bow was throwing a fit, trying to help, wanting me to hold him, and since BR was doing something he didnt want to do, for reasons that wernt really there, he told me it was best to just take him back to the house. Instead of me being in a bad mood, it was now him.
I had stayed out for a little while, and helped with 2 of the 3 sides. Since the posts were only a foot in the ground we couldnt stretch it very well. it would pull over one post to stretch to the next.

"see its just going to fall apart"
but 2x4s would brace it up.
I put them on my list.

We had baseball practice that day anyway. So, I rounded up the boys once he was done, got them dressed and we started into town. Planning on running by lowes and getting my deer netting. It comes in a 100 foot roll 7 feet wide and my run is 6 feet wide, and not near that long.

BR was even nice enough to cut me the hole in the wire where my door will be. I like to think that maybe he realized I am not such an idiot after all. This is not the case, but sometimes I like to think it. He chose to cut it directly in the middle of the wall. and of course we didnt have the 2X4's for a frame, or the material for a door yet, but maybe we would get back from practice with enough time to get it done. we will have to use a 2x4 on the expanse of the wall now, to give it some stability. instead of just using the footplate and the corner post to come off of and make a door. Plus, we will have to fiqure out what type of door to use. we no longer have room to open and latch it flush, like a normal door. and opening it from the bottom with hinges on the top will take some well thought out planning. I asked about it door being INSIDE the run, opening it out there, maybe cause there was more room. But that was shot down and making no sense.

We practiced till pert near dark. The team left before we did. BR stayed an let Hoover, then BRett pitch. BRett is only pitching because Hoov wanted to.
Hoover didnt do too hot. Once everyone left, he settled down and improved vastly. But still needs some massive practice. He wont get any better until he has it. And I dont want him on the mound cause he THINKS he can pitch. There are enough of those kind of kids out there.
He has a long way to go, I dont expect a strike every time, but I do expect them to make it over the plate. Plus, for some reason he is a little more sensitive than anyone else in the family. Maybe he took after me. And if he gets too discouraged he wont ever do it again. But with that brat you walk a fine line between babying him, and discouraging him. Now with Brett wanting to pitch, it will put him off of it forever. He just automatically gives up when Brett decides to do what he is doing. he knows he will never be as good as Brett, which is not true. He is just younger. And Brett pays more attention. Picking things up quicker. And trying harder. But, hoov doesnt think like that. he just sees it 'come so easy' to Brett and quits. I would just let him quit, but I know how much I regret not ever being involoved in anything. If he didnt enjoy it, I wouldnt let him do it.

During practice I had ran the bases for the kids. This made 2 things VERY obvious. 1. I am VERY slow. B. I am NOT in good shape. oh and one more. There are a few kids on the team with attitudes that I would like to pinch their little heads off.
This, combined with me not liking kids anyway, is why I would NEVER be a coach. For anything. Seriously, I was running the bases, and one kid said to me "you better run fast you lazy hussy, Cause I am gona throw you out" and later "I dare you try to get a point on ME, I'll knock you on your ass"
Yes, There was a chance for me to cream him. I was running home, the ball was close, and he was RIGHT in my way. But instead I didnt. Oh I wanted to. SOOO badly. and I could take his momma when she started to run her head. BUT, I dont want my children to suffer for my temper. Instead, he dropped the ball, and I touched the base. It wasnt as satisfying, but it still was good.

Mine didnt make any spectacular plays, or just shine like a new penny. Mostly Hoover played with the rock clods in outfield. Brett did pretty good. and he was able to tag me out once. But he screwed up at shortstop as much as he did good. (which explains his position in the next game...) BR played 3rd base, a few parents had to play positions, because we were 5 kids short. seems to be about the same 4 or 5 kids each time that dont show up half the time. Mostly the infield. which doesnt help us much on games... LOL

They are both rusty. It doesnt matter how much you get out and throw with them here, there is no 1st to 3rd situation, or bases loaded, pop up into outfield, cut off man and catching it for a split second tag. You have to do that in the kind of practice we had Sunday. I can work them till I am blue in the face, but until they are IN that place on the field, they cant actually PUT it to good use. Then, of course, they act like they have never even seen a baseball, dont remember any of the fundamentials, have no drive etc. There was a time or two that I wondered if they could even catch a cold, much less a baseball.

Of course, it still leaves batting. On Friday night, Matt was knockin some GREAT balls. THEN on Saturday before their game, he couldnt hit the broad side of a barn. Some had to do with the pitcher. It was nice, over the plate, right handed floaters on Friday. Saturday it was his daddy, hard, fast, lefthanded, hit it or get hit balls.
Neither of these really help them in a real game. Cause I have seen VERY few of these kids that are just what you'd call accurate. They are more like Charlie Sheen on Major League.

Anyway, once we got home from practice we didnt have time for the chicken coop. I just had to pray that nothing found that hole and used it to kill my chickens. Of course, I had put them back in their brooder for the night, so we were almost safe.

Monday, I did NOTHING. OH wait. On Saturday my TV went out. Its one of those stupid big screens. so when the projection bulb started telling me it was nearing the end of its life back in Sept, I told the place I got it from. They would order me one.
So, when it started turning off on me on Saturday, I tried to call. they were closed on Saturday. and on Sunday. So I called Monday morning. In a few days they would come and get it. It would take a week or so, they had to ship it off.
Ahhh.... It Doesnt work that way.
I told them that they had KNOWN it was going out since September, told me they were ordering it, KNOWING it had to be sent off that entire time, and I had already been with out a TV since Saturday.

So they said they would come and get it around 9pm. Fine. I asked about a loaner. They actually said "You dont have another one you could bring into the living room for a week or two?"
OKAY. yes, technically I DO. BUT if I wanted it in the living room, I wouldnt be PAYING OUT THE NOSE for THIS ONE!

OH and to top off the wonderful expeirience. They couldnt tell me WHEN. just between 'now and 9' well BR's box fan had went out on Sunday night. We had JUST laid down, got almost asleep and it got real quiet.
Like it does when the lights go out. BUT the TV was still going. Then it hit us. the fan had stopped. OMG. And I SWEAR I have NOT touched it. at all. The other morning, he was getting up and going to work, and I still had an hour before I had to get up, so I asked him to please turn it off.
He said "huh?" Like I was speaking a weird language. I told him to please turn it off. My throat was already sore, and it was cold enough. He looked at me like I had 3 heads and turned it off. Mumbiling something about me bitching if I was hung with a new rope.

I am really suprised he didnt ask me to run to walmart right then. Of couse, he probebly didnt because he didnt want to have to deal with Bow in case he woke up. SO, I needed to go to town and buy him a new fan. BUT had to sit here. Plus, I needed to clean. When baseball starts we dont do much around the house.

I mean think about it. the kids get home between 4:30 and 5. they have homework, they have chores, they want to play, they want to practice (on nights we dont go in), they have baths, and of course supper. THEN they have to be in bed by 8:30.

Its literly a constant race to get anything done.
And I am not the bestest housekeeper in the world. I mean it took me two hours to untangle all the wires under the table the TV sets on. Then I had to dust. Dusting is NOT my forte. PERIOD.

And since I was covered in the crap anyway, I decided to do the ceiling fan. I guess its put in pretty good, cause I bet there was 3 pounds of dust on it. if you keep them spinning all the time, you dont see it.

back to where I was....

So, I cleaned all day. THen when BR got home I was feeding the pigs and trying to get chickens BACK in the coop. They had found the hole for the run. I dont know HOW they hadnt been picked off by the hawk. Its open from one end to the other.
And they were NOT happy about coming in. We put a board over the hole. Till we have time to get it fixed.
OH and baseball. our first game was Saturday.

Brett played center. which NOW he has decided he hates. I swear, this kid is driving me nuts. first he loves it. Now he hates it. But he has seen how fun it is to play infield. Matt was right field. They didnt see any action, but Brett hit, he ended up scoring a point, Hoover struck out. which I expected. No matter how many balls he hits in practice, he is gona strike out in a game. He lets his head get in the way.
Then BRett sat the bench the other 2 innings. We have 11 kids, each kid has to play 3 offensive and defensive outs. OR a full inning. So Brett was the unfortunate one to sit the bench this game. But he still got to bat. We bat through the lineup whether they are on the field or not.

They had stayed ahead of us the whole game. we were batting last and the score was 4-3. Brett got on base, hitting in the tying run.
THEN he ended up coming home!
we won 5-4.

I screwed up the books pretty good. It was SOOO cold and miserable. I have to sit in the stands to keep the books, so I can see the ump, and the wind was blowing, there was no sunshine, and I swear I froze my rear off.
But even better than me just screwing up the books, the other team found an idiot.. I mean a new recruit, to keep the books, and when she asked what to do, he said "go find Mrs Byerly, she will show you"... so in addition to screwing up OUR books, I was able to screw up another teams too!! that takes true talent.

Yesterday we had another game. I also needed to go to town and pick up a few things. I still hadnt gotten BR's fan. and belive me, he was letting me know. Not throwing a fit. But more of a "I sure didnt sleep well last night" "I wish you had been able to go to town today" ...
So, we got to the feild late, the kids just wouldnt get it together. I was trying for supper, they were late getting home, I needed to leave, and to be honest, I refused to get off the couch until they got my entire living room floor cleaned back up from the hour and a half they were home.
anyway, we get there, they warm up and I found my place in the stands. I had taken Rayley. and she was good. I opted to leave Bow with my mother in law. I hated to do it. I know she has to get up at 4:30 to get my father in law off to work. But I just didnt want to go with all 4 with out any outside help. BR was stuck in the oil fields, working.

My two were back in the outfield. They had been given a refresher course on backing up 2nd an 3rd on sunday at practice, so I hoped they would at least help out, instead of sitting there like a bump on a log. Keep them energized and in the game.

Hoover did miss a popup. I was NOT happy with that. But I expected it. BRett batted second in the line up. He got a decent hit, well it really wasnt. but it was a hit. Anyway, he was thrown out at 1st.
Then in the second inning around 5th or 6th Hoover batted. We had an out already, I knew this was the second one. but he HIT it. It was an infield popup. but the kid missed it! He got to first base. I was SOOO thrilled. I even had one of the moms go and check that Brett and him didnt trade jerseys and that was Brett batting again.

He stole second on a wild pitch. He has been on base before. But not that often. Like I said, he doesnt hit in a game very much.
Our side was retired with him stranded on second, but it didnt matter. I was just thrilled he hit it.
Brett went back up again in the 3rd. Maybe Matt is batting closer to 9th... I dont know. that crap doesnt mean anything to me. anyway. he hit another bobbler out there and was thrown out at first again. I wasnt in the postition to see what he was doing wrong. the ump was in my way, but its obvious he is not following through, or is not stepping well. Either way, he needs to work on it.

We lost, 7-3. and I was once again entrusted to make the books as FUBAR as possible. I suceeded. Not that there was ever any doubt.

Once we left I still had to get the fan. I needed like 3 things from the store, but my kids were wound up tighter than an 8 day clock, so it was all I could do to keep them lined out. I was ready to kill them before I left. There was a guy in front of me. Laughing at their anticts. I reckon he was about my age. Cowboy hat, boots and a button up shirt.
After I threatened to duct tape them to the wall and leave them for the second time, he said "looks like you have your hands full"
I smiled and said "yep, its a good thing the really bad one is at home right now"
he laughed, and Rayley said "she's right, Bow makes us look like angels, but she said she would end up beating the snot out of us if she had to deal with us all at the ballpark in addition to the other 500 idiots that would be there tonight"
Okay, I DID say this. But she didnt have to REPEAT it!
He laughed, and said "it was full up there tonight" I agree'd and disentangled two of the kids that were fighting over something.
As I was putting things on the belt, finding things I DONT buy and setting them to the side, I came across bacon bits, artichoke hearts and fried onions, in my head scratching confusion I was failing to watch them out of the corner of my eye, he laughed at something. I turned around. The boys were trying to pull Rayley in two. Not being mean, just seeing who would win the tug of war. She was laughing up a storm.

I nicely told them that if they didnt stop, I was going to beat them right there, and then pray that walmart called CPS on me.

About that time, I was looking at the gum. BRett asked me why I was buying gum. Since I forbid them to use it. I said "Its NOT for you. its for me. Because I am smart enough to NOT spit it out where someone steps on it in their stocking feet. and I REALLY need a cigerette" The guy laughed and said "I bet you do" I told him that I was TRYING to quit, but they were just trying to send me to an early grave. We got to talking about tabbaco going up, and he wished me luck with my quitting.
Then he walked off, I saw the handcuffs. and the gun. He was a cop. All I would have had to do was pop one of them right up side the head. Then I would have had a good nights sleep. BUT NO. I had opted to wait till I got them in the truck to read them the riot act.

When we got there I asked what in the hell was with all the crap that was in the buggy. They wanted to play a joke on me. I swear it was all I could do not to laugh when I found the stuff. I seriously thought about buying it. and making them eat it. You wouldnt belive what all they put in there.

I went and got Bow, and we got home at 10:20. BR pulled in about 10 minutes later. I was trying to get them fed again, kinda washed up and in the bed. Plus, I needed to unload the dishwasher, fix my supper and throw something together for BR.

I was going to fry chicken- had it all thawed out, but it wasnt condusive with such a late game and noone being home to eat it right out of the frying pan.
I ended up making frozen Burritos for the kids. Then I made me two. I had the stove turned down to 3 for mine, because I was still unloading the dishwasher, and getting sidetracked by the heathens. Well thats when BR came home.
He saw the burner was turned way down, and thought I didnt realize it, so he turned it up to 8. Then he left to get undressed and wash up. He apparently said something about it, Brett heard him, but I didnt. Before I knew it my burritos were burnt to a crisp.
But instead of him making me two more, I just ate those. they were tough as shoe leather, but since I didnt get to sit down to eat them until about 11:45, and hadnt ate all day, it was at least filling.

We have to practice again tonight. at 7. The boys discovered this morning that they are out of jeans. so they have laundry to do when they get home. if they dont get it done they wont go to practice. Hell, half the other kids dont come anyway. I can honestly say I have never done that. skipped practice on purpose, but shoot. they should be smart enough to fiqure out the outfield. I take that back. They aint. But, if the half the team doesnt show up for practice, why should mine?

THey need the practice. And they need more than they can get here. They really do, They need the situation practice, they need more than us just saying 'when the ball is hit, and you are here, you do this'. so I will go.

I know, I am just agervated. But the truth is, I am NOT going to dig for their laundry. I have a laundry room. Thats where you put it and I will wash it. Its bad enough I have to dig for BR's. And usually get asked "where are those jeans I had on Saturday?" I say "in the closet, I washed them"
"they wernt dirty, they were JUST getting comfertable"
Of course the things I DONT wash, are the ones that really need it.
But I really will not dig in their room for clothes to wash. they will either help me a little, or I will simply take them OUT of baseball, and 4-H.

As it is, I have other things going on for ME. The Friends of the NRA banquet is coming up, I am helping on that committee, and the NWTF one is coming soon too.

OH and we did get that loaner TV at 8:47 monday night. a 60 inch something or other. some fancy crap. It aint no better than my 52 inch. and its not really bigger. its only like 4 inches longer. its just a little taller. We turned it on, and I realized that crap had changed in the 3 days I couldnt watch the TV. Donald Trump fired Dennis Rodman, The president fired a CEO, congress is still a bunch of MO-RONS, and even France and Europe thinks we are becoming too socialist...

of course since everything happens in 3's. My tea maker broke. Now we go through about 2 gallons of sweet tea a day. and my pitcher that goes with my machine, it cracked. At first it was just a small crack on the very bottom. Some leaked out onto the counter, but if I didnt let it sit there after it brewed, then it just made a small mess. Then it got this large crack down the side, so it just basicly pours out what ever liqued you put in it.

I tried to super glue it, to no avail. So I have to go back and buy a new one of those today.

At least 2 of the 3 appliences that decided to die this weekend were under 25.00.

Bow is really starting to tease, he will pretend to do what you tell him not to (sometimes, other times he just does it...) and then smile and laugh. and he LOVES to blow kisses. Still no words. Other than "eh!" This just annoys everyone in the family to no end. But, you can tell him anything and he will go and do it. Tell him its time to feed, he will bring you YOUR shoes. and try to open the door. Ask if he wants a sippy, he will go and get a cup. he is smart as a whip.
Of course BR has always said that babies are born genuises, we just make them dumb as we raise them.

I promise to try to write more often and shorter blogs. I have been meaning to do that lately. But life gets in the way. Or I know I dont have anything to say, and then I fill it up with mundane crap.