I quit smoking on March 22, 2011 with Electronic Cigarettes

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Just a little funny

My dad sent this to me. He got it in email.

What I learned during the hurricane season

1. Coffee and frozen pizzas can be made on a BBQ grill.

2. No matter how many times you flick the switch, lights don't work without electricity.

3. Kids can survive 4 plus days without a video game controller in their hands.

4. Cats are really irritating without power.

5. He who has the biggest generator wins.

6. Women can actually survive without doing their hair--you just wish they weren't around you.

7. A new method of non-lethal torture - showers without hot water. This is for the lucky ones on city water. If you have a well and no generator, it's time to bathe in the pool!

8. TV is an addiction and the withdrawal symptoms are painful.

9. A 7 lb bag of ice will chill 6-12 oz Budweiser's to a drinkable temperature in 11 minutes, and still keep a 14-pound turkey frozen for 8 more hours..

10. There are a lot of trees around here.

11. Flood plan drawings on some mortgage documents were seriously wrong.

12. Contrary to most natives' beliefs, the speed limit on roads without traffic lights does not increase.

13. Aluminum siding, while aesthetically pleasing, is definitely not required to keep your house standing, and during wind surges becomes flying weapons.

14. Just because you're over 21 doesn't mean you can stay out as late as you want. At least that's what the cops told me during a curfew stop.

15. Crickets can increase their volume to overcome the sound of 14 generators.

16. People will get into a line that has already formed without having any idea what the line is for.

17. When required, most any vehicle will float--doesn' t steer well, but floats just the same.

18. Hurricanes do keep the mailman from his appointed rounds.

19. Tele-marketers function no matter what the weather is doing.

20. Cell phones sometimes work when land lines are down, but only as long as the battery remains charged.

21. Twenty-seven of your neighbors are fed from a different transformer than you, and they are quick to point that out!

22. Laundry hampers were not made to contain such a volume.

23. If I had a store that sold only ice, chainsaws, gas, and generators.. .I'd be rich.

24. The price of a bag of ice rises 200% after a hurricane.

25. Your water front property can quickly become someone else's fishing hole.

26. Tree service companies are under appreciated.

27. MATH 101: 30 days in month, minus 6 days without power equals 30% higher electric bill ?????

28. Drywall is a compound word, take away the 'dry' part and it's worthless..

29. An oak tree on the ground looks four times bigger than it did standing up.

30. When house hunting, look for closets with lots of leg room.

31. AA, C and D are the only alphabet we need (think batteries).

32. Chainsaw-wielding- men are nothing to be afraid of.

33. You can't spell 'priceless' without I-C-E.

34. Gasoline is a value at any price.

35. Candlelight is better than botox. It takes years off your appearance.

36. No matter how hard the wind blows, roadside campaign signs will survive..

Now I have added a few.

37. There are levels of silence, peaceful, slightly annoying and then DEAD. This is the silence that wakes you at 3 in the morning when the generator runs out of gas.

38. There is no such thing as too much clean water.

39. All the no cook foods are the first to go, and everyone gets hungrier when there is no way to nuke something or buy more food.

40. Owning a tractor and a few chainsaws makes you an instant hero.

41. THe one peice of trash you hoped would blow off in your yard is the only thing that didnt. And someone somewhere has a nice set of patio furniture.

42. Rain can go sideways and it can even rain upside down.

43. a tank top and shorts, with flip flops ARE dressing up, if they match, in the aftermath of a hurricane, and acceptable for a funeral that cant wait until power is restored.

44. Your truck or car hood is a good place to sleep when the house never cools down under 87*.

45. Sitting in a hour long line for gas is considered "a great find!" and envied by friends and family

46. Kids will grow tired of Raviolies and beanie weinies.

48. You never have enough spark plugs, baby wipes, or Thermo cell cartridges (skeeter killers).

49. It is perfectly acceptable bathe in the lake. But limit yourself. Others need it too.

50. Kids dont learn, and will continue to get dirty and then cry when you make them take the ice cold torture showers.

And after showing it to a friend, she added a few too.

51 DO NOT under ANY circumstances chew or otherwise ingest the Gum in MRE's, it is a VERY potent laxative.

52. If you did in fact eat the gum, keep it to yourself you idiot.

53. Lawnmowers, power tools, and weedeaters do not survive a good soaking in salt water.

54 Boats will in fact float on a trailer, and break the trusses out of your garage roof.

55 When said floating boat finally comes down it will randomly land on someone's car......

56. If you find it in your yard, it is now yours, whether you wanted it or not.

57. Tetanus shots are painful, mostly after the fact.

58. Your furniture weighs a hell of a lot more when it is soaking wet and muddy.

59. The neighbors crap is ALWAYS better than your crap.

60. when you add " retro" to any item of furniture, it adds value to the replacement cost, even that ugly floral 1970's couch you used to hate.

61 bathing in the lake is acceptable, peeing in the lake is NOT acceptable.

62. National guardsmen, electric lline workers, cable guys, and tree cutters are generaly kinda hot.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I see my sanity going down the drain...

Lets see... My week in a nutshell.
heavy on the NUT part. I am surrounded by them.

Brett ran into a tree- scratched his head up somethin awful. and did it on the side where he has no hair. well there is none on either side, but I meant on the side, as opposed to the top. where he does have hair.

Its not pretty.... But the good news is : the tree will survive!!

I have a new addition to the family. We were out picking up hay yesterday. BR had to put it on the trailers and I had to drive it to the barn at my uncles. I was loaded and waiting on BR to get the other trailer loaded and saw my mothers dog playing with a squeeky toy. Only it squeeked when it went UP in the air. Then it dawned on me and I went and looked.

Say hello to Wabbit.

Dont ask what I am going to do with a swamp rabbit.

I got no clue.... If it lives..

But it is sweet. Now if I can just keep the kids, dog and cat away from it. They all want to love it to some degree...

Matt had baseball practice yesterday. He is really enjoying it. He hit some good balls and Brett found 9 balls all over the park. They are now in the floor board of my truck. And everytime you open a door they fall out. There is a 5 gallon bucket in the back seat with balls in it. I dont know why it would have been too much trouble to reach BEHIND him and put them in that bucket.. But it was aparently..

The kids are getting back on a schedule. sorta. They finaly went back to school on Monday. I was glad. I have alot of stuff to get done for differnt projects at the school and it has to be in session for it to work!

Rayley and Bow and I had a funeral to go to on Monday. Since I had the kids I just went to the graveside. While we were there someone told her she looked pretty. "well mom say'd she reckon'd I looked decent enough, since she didnt have much to work with to start with". That was taken WAY out of context. She had a few nice dresses, but no shoes to fit that matched. The shoes that DID fit, matched a dress that was too little. AND I am still fighting her hair. that chunk she cut out of the front is hard to camoflauge. REAL hard.

The preacher tried to give her some candy. She looked at him like he was crazy. he said 'you took it Sunday, whats wrong with it?" "my mom didnt see me take it so she didnt know, but she is watching now..." HHHHHMMMMMMMMM... LOL

Oh and tonight, I was trying to clean the living room. I had just gotten Bow down for a short nap. All of a sudden I hear Brett screaming "MOM!! GET YOUR GUN!! GET YOUR GUN!!"
so I jump up and head into the kitchen. He tells me to look out the window and then GET MY GUN!!

Well Bow had woken back up and followed me into the kitchen. So he went strait to the dog food bowl, apparently nursing to sleep and the trip into the kitchen builds up an appitite..

I looked out the window. Expecting one of the more adventerous coyotes that we have been having. I have been wanting to get a shot at them for a while. They are getting really bad, and thats dangerous. Poor Duke still has problems with his legs from his last tangle with them. and I worry about the kids, cause they are out at all hours of the day and night. In the yard no less.

Nope. It was a doe. about 25 feet from the window. I will be honest. I had a moment there where my mouth was drooling and my finger itching. LORDY that would taste SOOO good with fresh peas.. I havent had deer meat in a month of sundays.. or longer.. yep its been Longer... BUT, its not deer season. And the next image that flashed through my head was having to string her up, gut and skin her, get her cut up, clean the meat, package it and get it in an already full freezer. Damn those peas.. Plus its not deer season. AND, its hot outside. way too hot to be butcherin up a deer. And its not deer season.
we watched her for a good 7 or 8 minutes. She would flick her tail, and had her ears turned towards the house. But she never flagged or spooked. (flagged is where they stick their tail strait up and run off, showing off the white underside and 'flagging' all other deer within site). She will be back. Hopefully during season. when its cooler. and BR is home to gut, skin and butcher.

I even let Rayley out of the corner to come and see. She was in the corner while I was cooling off. She had gotten one of the boys highlighters (I cant remmeber who bought them highlighters, but when I do they will hear about it..) she had gotten one of the boys highlighters and since they wouldnt let her play with them she had drawn in a book, on Bretts bed, and then cause the cat was 'a boring white color' she had streaked her... Just her head, so its not dangerous. When asked why she wrote on the bed and book she said "cause I was mad, and wanted to". When asked about the cat she said "cause she wouldnt leave me alone, she kept trying to pet me, and cause she is a boring white color, and this color matched her eyes, AND, she likes to be pretty"

when asked what else she drew on, all I got was "what else did you find?" Not the answer I wanted to hear. So I put her in the corner while I got the baby to sleep and cooled off some.. When I told her to come here that I was ready to punish her she said "can you just whip me? I dont want to have to clean my room".

This kid amazes me sometimes too. I was making koolaide yesterday. and as I am stirring it she says "look at the whirlpool mom, be careful it doesnt eat your spoon, you know that whirlpools will pull you in and you cant get out when you are swimming, you dont want that to happen to your spoon. "

Bow has learned some new tricks too.

Sunday BR was outside fixing the boys bikes. I opened the wood door so Bow could see out and watch them. He cant open the storm door, and it has glass so he cant fall through.
He loves to stand there and bang on it and watch everything. And he quit eating the hydrolic arm that keeps it closed. I show'd y'all that pic right?

Notice the teethmarks??

Anyway, I walked out and was helping fix the 4th tube in about 7 days (after the second I asked if there was something INSIDE the tire popping them. I was ignored, well mostly, I did get the 'you sure ask stupid questions' look..). But I regress: I was outside cause BR decided something must be popping them and needed it fixed, so I had to find super glue and hold the old tube while he cut it. To cover the spokes. I suggested electrical tape to cover up the spokes that were sticking through. Again with the 'dumb blonde' look. So, when the cut tube wouldnt stay still, cause we were out of super glue, it was decided that some tape would be needed to hold it in place. Of course since its so thick, we just ran around the tire about 4 times.

Its a shame we went through all those tubes. I really wish I had thought about looking for that a week ago..

Anyway, we sent Brett back into the house to get something and as he rounded the end of the truck he says "Look who has came to see us!!"

Yep, it was Bow. He went out the door, and apparently DOWN the steps.. Either that or he fell off the porch... There was no thud, and no crying.. so I am going with the step theory.. I dont know when he learned that. He has NO expeirence with steps. All he can do is get off the couch with out falling on his head. And that took MONTHS to learn.

He came all the way across the yard. Just as proud of him self as he could be.

He has also discovered the joys of the tub. If you leave the bathroom door open he takes off quick as lightin to get IN the tub. Its got no water in it, but he is still so proud of himself. He just sits there and smiles. Till you go to get him. Then he takes off crawlin towards the back trying to hide.

He did this about 9 times the other day. FINALLY after many many many time of me saying no he quit. I have been on the kids to close the door. and KEEP it closed.

And he does the same in my bathroom. Except a little differnt. He hasnt gotten in my tub yet. Its a garden tub so its alot higher. He hasnt found the step. The other day I had went outside to put Rayley's carseat in my grandfathers car for church. I came back in about 5 minutes later and BR was laying on our bed watchin TV. He asked me where my kid was. I said I didnt know, but then I heard water running. He has learned to turn on my tub, and LOVES to do it. So we have to keep THAT door closed too.

Now it wouldnt be that big of a deal to keep the bathroom doors shut, aside from the fact that there are 4 people who live in this house with HIA syndrome and they forget to close them quiet often. Heck, I am thrilled when they flush. BUT the cat has 2 litter boxes. and they are in the bathrooms... yep.. Anyone want a simanx? she is half manx and half simease. looks like a simease and has a 3 inch tail. Real sweet. and LOVES kids. Bow body slams her at least 5 times a day. pulls her, pushes her, tries to eat her. and she just lays down and purrs.. and then sleeps beside him at night.. She aint real bright..

Anyway, back to my day...

Tonight I got a phone call. Right at bedtime. So I am trying to get the kids quiet, and in the bed. with hand motions.. Ever notice how when you cant scream at the kids they cant decifer what you are motioning? But I promise, if I made a motion of opening a candy bar they would know what I was doing... this phone call was a really important one. It was a 2 week job that I dont want to pass up. I finally got the kids quiet and got them to take the baby with them. The throat slitting motion got through to one of them... So I am taking notes, trying to listen to this woman offer me the job of a lifetime.

Next thing I know I look over the edge of the couch. Its situated so that you can see right into the kids bathroom. (not so good since they havent really started shutting the door yet... it makes for interesting TV watching...)
and this is what I see. Oh well.. at least I stopped the bathtub diving...

Notice how much fun he seems to be having?

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Just a short glimpse into my life

A little background.

The Cowboys are KING around here. I grew up that way. at my grandfathers knee.. back then there was no DVR, pod casts, rewind. you either saw the game RIGHT THEN. or you DIDNT see it at all.

At my house and his its still the same. When the boys are on, DONT screw with us.

BUT we are a little more advanced now. We have DVR's. even he has one. He has had one for nigh on 5 years now.

Which is lucky for him. Cause he is now an avid church goer. and Church on Sundays starts at 6 and ends at 8. (at night) and the game starts at 7 tonight.

So, this is the phone call I get. This is the phone call, or some variation there of, that I get ONCE a week. at least.
actually, I was outside, so when I came back in I looked at the caller ID and saw he had called, so I called him back. He is fixing to be leaving cause he is going to a visitation at the funeral home before church tonight.

SO here is the phone call:
at 4:23pm. game starts at 7:15pm

"Hello-" (his wife answered)
"Let me holler at hunney" (yes I call him hunney, cute story, remind me later to tell you why)
"Hey Chelle! "
"Yep, whats up? "
"was tryin to fix the tv. needed it to go over, but I just told it to record"
(now, here is where he looses most folks. He thinks you KNOW what he is thinking. BR has threatened to strangle him on more than one occasion)
"I told you last week that it would automatically set for an hour after it was over."
"oh well I told it to start now. I'll catch it I reckon when I get home"
"Just listen, we can reset it right fast"
"I only have a few minutes"
"this will take 2 minutes tops" (optimism is a failing I have)
"alright, set it for me"
"pick up the remote" (I know that you have to start with basics)
"the TV one?"
"no, the satilite one" (see, I told you)
"oh, good, I was wonderin why you wanted the TV one"
"I didnt want the TV one.. oh never mind"
"so what do I do?"
" first we have to make sure you are actually recording--do you see a red light on the DVR?" (belive me, this is a crucial question)
"whats a DVR?"
" the satilite box" (stupid me...)
"by the TV?"
"yep, that one. Not the one in the atic" ( OH HELL, why did I say that.. he doesnt 'get' flippancy-- It has to do with his HIA syndrome)
"there's one in the atic?"
"no." (CRAP CRAP CRAP.. I will NEVER learn)
"do I need one?"
"never mind, is the red light on?"
"okay, push the stop button"
"on the Tape player?"
"what tape player?" (I bet he means the VCR)
"the one that plays those disks?" (hmmmm... I was wrong)
"NO, on the remote for the DVR-- I mean satilite box"
"the one in here?"
"this satilite box"
"Yes, push the stop button on the remote to the satlite box"
"the yellow pause button?"
"no, the one with a square on it"
"the one that says DISH NETWORK?"
"no, the one UNDER the pause button, with a square"
"do you mean the arrow?"
"the one 2 over to the left"
"the record button?"
"no, that one has a red circle. its BESIDE the play button, Hit the one beside the record button, wiht a white box"
"ohhhh, okay." "Well crap"
"am I sure I want to stop recording"
"yes, push the purple key to the left of the select button, till it highlights yes"
"push select"
"okay, I did that"
"now, hit guide"
"get the TV guide? why? you told me the game came on KBTV at 7:15" (did I mention he is deef as a post? and yes, I meant dEEf)
"it does. hit the GUIDE BUTTON, on the remote"
"the satilite remote?"
"now scroll forward till 7"
"what do you mean?"
"hit the long button to the right of the select button until you get to the game that says Cowboys and Packers"
"now, hit select"
"on the remote?"(naw, on the flippin fridge)
"do I want to set it?"
"yes. make sure its highlighted to record it to the DVR, once, then hit select"
"you should be all set"
"how do I watch it?"
"when you get home, have Mary come in, hit the rewind key and holler at you when its finished rewinding"
"cause otherwise, you will come in during the middle of the game, and know what is going on and then whats the point in watching the begining if you already know the middle?"
"hmmmm, never thought about that"
"and you can fast forward through the commercials"
"oh, you can?"
"and y'all think I am the dumb one"
"So, does that mean I dont have to stay up till 11? I can just fast forward?"
"no, we cant fast forward if its live, we cant see the future, only what we recorded, but if you time it just right, you should get live right towards the end of the game, thereby missing all the commercials"
"ohhh, how do you rewind?"
"that button with the 2 arrows on the left hand side?, hit it 2 or 3 times, everytime you hit it, it gets faster on the rewind"
"dont use the one you taught me to use for seeing the play I missed"
"no, that would take an hour, it only does 30 seconds at a time"
"ohhhhhh.. so I come in, hit the rewind button and get to watch from the opening kickoff till the end"
"yes, but you dont do it, let Mary do it, that way you dont see it backwards"
"hmmmm, okay"
"so, where is that peice of paper where I wrote down these instructions last week?"
"I think Mary cleaned the counter and threw it away"
"well, now I am runnin late, thought you said this would take 2 minutes"
"you had an I D 10 T problem. But we got it fixed"
"how often does that happen?"
"the I D 10 T problem?"
"Apparently weekly"
"hmmmm, wonder why?"
"I dont know, but when you drive by here on your way to town, you need to drop back off Rayleys car seat, you left with it earlier when you droped her off"
"oh, wonder how I did that?"
"Dont know"
"I'll see you in a minute"

5 minutes later he drove up, put Rayley's car seat in the truck and then walked up to the house. He opened the door and told me my keys were in the floor board of the back seat. I was gona loose them. this made no sense. My keys are in the ashtray. always. unless I am in town and they are in my pocket. but with my kids you never know....
SO, I put on some shoes, grabbed up Bow and walked out. He opened the truck door for me, and handed me a VERY large, egg shaped, bright purple and yellow, with 4 buttons on it 'key chain'. Dangiling off were 2 keys about 4 inches long and 2 inches wide.

I told him Thank you. shook my head and sent up a little prayer that they make it the 1/4 mile to church and are able to remember where they live on the way out....

He asked me if I had the same TV stuff he does, I said yes. he looked at my house and asked where we put the attic box, since we didnt have one.

I told him I kept it in the truck.