I quit smoking on March 22, 2011 with Electronic Cigarettes

Thursday, March 25, 2010

LIfe just sucks sometimes.

I got to do another cake! I am proud of parts of it, and embarressed by other parts, but all in all, I think I did a pretty good job.

It was for a grand opening of a new store in town called 'camo and lace' - Its handpainted on homemade fondant. I honestly dont know how much it weighed, I meant to weigh it but forgot. It was over 6 batches of cake. and 2 batches of fondant.

The kids helped by mixing up everything for me. it was a good learning experience for them, all recipies had to be doubled or tripled. And that is fractions. plus, they got to watch me level it, make it square, and hey- I painted it, and even if you dont like the painting, or dont think its good- thats some of that art appriciation crap that you have to learn in school... right?? I mean seriously- who looks at a Picaso and says "beautiful!!" or a Salvidor Dali? Its art, you look, then you appriciate the fact that some other idiot paid a gazillion dollars for it, therefor making themselves look like a fool, and has to hang it in THEIR livingroom and stare at it all the time, making them regret making a purchase when influenced by wine and caviar, and swear to never do it again. So it was a lesson in math, home ec, and art appriciation. OH and a 'bring your kids to work day'... so that like... 4 birds with one stone .. right?? yep...

They were also my official taste testers. I had never made fondant and so I was using them as guinia pigs. I have heard alot of bad things about it, and that people hated it. they LOVED it. the batch with vanilla flavor they said tasted like the middle of an oreo.

Rolling out enough fondant for a 1/2 sheet cake wasnt easy, but honestly it wasnt as hard as I thought it would be. I was also scared of it being hard to smooth, or not meeting on the edges and looking good. I plopped it on there and it acted like it had been molded for the cake.

I was soooo scared. cause if the 'hard' part of the cake ended up that easy, I knew something would screw up. Then the painting went so well!! I was impressed.
Then came the part that every mom who has ever made a cake can do- I mean you get tips, you get bags, you make frosting, and you pipe .. right? well I cant pipe. I am NOT an artist. I just CANT do it. so thats the part that I am disapointed in.

The last few weeks have been going well. The kids are getting into a routine and we are really getting to know each other. Its amazing how much you dont know your kids when you dont see them for 11 hours a day. I really cant wait to get Rayley out of school.

The inlaws got the boys some bikes last week. Theirs were all tore up. they had tried to 'fix' differnt things and it just didnt work. They hadnt asked their daddy or I to fix things, they had just jacked the pliers, screwdrivers, wrenches, whatever and 'fixed' it themselves.

Plus they really hadnt taken care of them, to be honest, so I was happy to let them request bikes for a little while longer, and had thought about them being a birthday present for Matts birthday in April. But the inlaws showed up with them and I didnt know about it. Matter of fact, they drove up at like 8 one night. I was sending the kids to bed. and a large truck drove up. BR drives a small truck, so that detail makes a differnce. :) Anyway, after I got them out of the windows, and secured a firearm, (hey, I live in the country, it was dark and noone said they were coming over), I stepped outside. The dome light comes on and I see who it is, so I just walked back in the house, putting back the gun, and sat down. my mother in law came in and the boys ran outside. Or Rayley and Brett ran outside to see pawpaw. Then my mother in law says "Matty, go see what pawpaws got in the back of his truck"

That was IT, I saw RED. I said "what the hell has he got?? It BETTER not be alive!"
cause you know- thats my luck- oh speaking of being such a lucky duck. remind me to tell you about the ducks... she laughed and said no- but wouldnt tell me WHAT it was. So I fiqured she was lying. But it was just bikes. So, mad as I was that they had spent the money, and not at least waited till a birthday to do it, I wasnt mad, cause I dont have to feed it, clean up after it, or try to keep a headcount on it. I swear thats all I do all day. COUNT. count the kids (there are 3 all day and 4 at night), count the pigs (3 grown, one feeder, and 8 piglets), count chickens, (like 35 or so), count dogs Cause sometimes they go down to the highway..., count rabbits, (16), count broilers (actually, I count how many died that day- started out with 50- down to about 18...) But I'm really tired of counting. and honestly, cause I think I have some sort of OCD- I like my counts to end in odd numbers... and EVERYTHING around here, although ODD, is even... drives me BATTY!!!

BUT I digress...

They had tried to find Rayley some training wheels, she has a 12 inch, but they couldnt. She was heartbroken--- had she kept up with hers that came OFF her bike she would know where they were.... So the next day they showed up with an 18 inch for her. Its pink and purple, and has the tassles and the whole nine yards. Its almost too big, but not quite. Its HUGE. dont get me wrong, but her long legs reach just fine. BUT we did remember after she tried to ride it why she had insisted on the training wheels being taken off. See when you live in the country, you dont have nice smooth concrete to ride on, you dont have a soft, even, mowed lawn. You have ruts, you have small hills, you have rocks, and potholes, and dogholes, and sticks, and everything else. Well, all the kids had gotten rid of their training wheels a few years back because you get high centered pretty quick. Poor thing gets stuck everytime she turns around. She told her me-me the other day "well I reckon that bike is gonna whoop me yet".
But they also got BOW a bike. and all he wants to do it 'whide his ike' its a little 12 inch. cute as all get out. But he doesnt reach the peddles. so the boys have to push him. OR he will follow them everywhere they go, by pushing the bike. LOL He does get on it and 'vroom vroom' but cant make it go. He does love it though. He had a small 10 inch, that he CAN reach, BUT it is old old. Its been around since before I had kids. So the sprockets and such are froze up on it.

Brett did finally tie a string to his bike and will pull Bow on his. But he has to be careful, cause Bow will fall off. LOL

OH yeah- DUCKS.. there are a few words that I would LOVE to use in this little story that works well with duck.. But I am trying to be ladylike.
So anyway- I am at tractor supply the other day- and the manager is always pickin at me, cause of my kids. ya know- the heathens that I have to drag around with me? It seems that when they walk in that store they literly loose their heads. and their hometrainin.
So anyway, I had to get a few things, and they were actin a fool. and I was trying to thump their heads with out cameras catching me. Just about to pull out someones hair.. Bow could hear chirping. so he said "me see babys" so I drove the buggy over there. and then the manager saw us. he said "y'all need some ducks" I told him 'uhhhh not NO but HELL no we didnt need no durn ducks... ' He laughed, I laughed, he said "Matt, get one of those boxes and pick you out 4 ducks" I said "do it and DIE" - So now I have to count 4 ducks. - 2 peking ducks and 2 mallards. they are cute. But NASTY. seriously. Right now they are in a cage- with food and water. But ducks have to have a bowl, cause they have to dunk their head and clear their sinus' or something.

Anyway, daily I take these ducks out of their little cage, and fill up a pool with about 2 inches of water, and let them swim and chase green beans. Then we take them out, and let them walk for a while. then they have to go back up. they are still babies. But there are quite a few facts that I didnt know about ducks. Things I'm not sure I wanted to know. they are actually nastier than a chicken. they poop like 20 times more- AND, the minute they get in the water- they poop. kid you not.

but they dont peck like chickens, they kinda just snap their bills together it really doesnt hurt, and it makes a funny noise. they are kinda cute. but DANG IT- I didnt need something else to feed, count and wonder about.

The boys have been working with the nicest couple on their chickens. I found him a few weeks late, we were already 3 weeks into the wrong feeding program, I was keeping the chickens too hot (cause I was keeping them like normal laying chickens), and I hadnt expanded their wingbands- which would have resulted in them having deformed wings, OR their wings cut into. I didnt know any of this. But he and his wife have been a Godsend.

he has shown the kids what they need to be doing. he has shown them how to do it. and he has spent some time with them. I am a firm beliver that anytime an adult will spend time with a kid, especially one not kin to them, is a great thing. It shows them how to interact with more adults, how to learn from differnt people, and allows them to use their hometrainin.

Our show is tomorrow, and we have to be there at 7:30 to check in. I dont fiqure we will do well. Our chickens might weigh in at around 6 pounds, and they still dont have all their feathers cause of me keeping them too hot for too long. But I hope the boys do learn something. I know they did learn from our Guardian Angels.

Tonight was the night to pick out the 3 each boy would take tomorrow, and an alternate. Our chicken gurus were here and we were in there knee deep in chicken poop, laughing and learning. Then I noticed that the dadgum piglets had got out of their pen and were in my sweet potatoe patch! so I ran over there to rescue my tater sprouts and next thing I knew everyone was screaming at Bow to move, trying to get to him, and Duke, my old dog and Cheeto, the kids newest adoptee were tied up. Cheeto had Duke by the throat and Duke couldnt get up. His back is so bad that he can barely walk right half the time. he isnt in pain perse. its more of a paralized thing.

Mrs Barber was able to grab Bow, and Brett ran over, I hollered at him to get out of there, and I went over and grabbed up a patio chair. I was trying to get them apart, but one look and I knew. The pit in cheeto had come out and he was locked on Duke. there was no stopping it. So, Mr Barber hollered at the boys to get the hose. The dogs were literly fighting against the coop the kids and he had been in. All the coop is is a box, just a frame with chicken wire around it. And they were against the chicken wire. I was still trying with the chair, and Brett got the hose. They were hollering not to hurt Cheeto, and spraying them with the highpowered hose. He wasnt letting up. So I headed to the house. I didnt have a choice. My baby had been knocked down when they started fighting. and everyone knows what happens when a pit locks onto something. I came back out and the kids really started screaming at me then. But there was no hesitation. I did what I had to do. He was killing my dog. It was over fast. and afterwards Mr Barber told me that he had hit him in the head twice with a shovel as hard as he could. Nothing was making him let go.

All 3 of the older kids were crying, But I do have to give it to Matt, I went and got the tractor, and he told me, "stay there mom, I'll put him in the bucket". I told him that was awful grown up of him. I understand how upset they are. they did love that dog. And he was a good dog, I dont know why they tied up. I guess it has something to do with Bowdrie. He was standing there petting on Duke, and then Cheeto wanted attention too. I am just lucky he was knocked backwards and into a chair.

The kids are all mad at me. Right now they are at my sister in laws. I thought a little time away from me might help them a little. Rayley is really mad. She spend the first 45 minutes after it happened sitting in Mrs Barbers lap and wailing like a banshie, talking about how much she loved the dog. Mr Barber took the boys on a walk. Brett is really heartbroken, he had pretty much claimed Cheeto from the start. sneaking him food when I said I wasnt feeding no damn stray. And he would bath that dog, and did take care of him. And he was a good dog, he chased off whatever would come up- he tree'd snakes, he never offered to hurt the kids. I had even relented and started feeding him AND letting him sleep in the house. But sometimes you just dont know what will be the trigger.

I dont regret it, and although its always hard to take the life of one of God's creatures, sometimes you have to do what you feel is the best for your family.

Now, when the dog first showed up, I said we needed to shoot it. BR said we needed to shoot it. We didnt know how he would act around OUR dogs, or how he would be around the livestock. And especially didnt know how he would react to 4 squeeling, screaming, roughhousing kids. He had obvious pit in him. And I am not one who looks at a pit and has fear- I've owned them before and they were the best dogs. BUT I raised them from pups on up. I didnt get a dog with baggage.

He fit right in. We let him in. And he turned out to be a good dog. BR even said one day- its hunting season, that damn dog better not interfear with my deer hunting, or I'm gonna shoot him- well before you get offended, thats a way of life. Strays are an unknown. And we feed our family deer hunting. But that next day BR said "I'm going out hunting, if he follows me he is dead" do you know that dog followed him to the edge of the woods and stopped. That was as far as he went. I think thats when we just decided he was here to stay. And he was treated like one of our own. we didnt want another dog, we were just at that point in our lives where we were kinda on the cusp of being dogless. Duke is old, and wont be around much longer, but we accepted that he was given to us and we gave him a good home. I dont regret my decision. I would make it again in a heartbeat. It could have just as easily been my child. Any one of them. Or a stranger. I am just glad that I was able and willing to do it.

Duke should be okay. His back is hurting him pretty bad, he is stove up. It was all I could do to get him to walk back to the house. He was bound and determined to stay with the kids at the barn. But he was just dead on his feet. Luckly he still has his winter coat, and there doesnt seem to be any bad wounds. he is pretty bruised up, and very tired. And a little confused I think.

When I started this blog, it was to keep me sane. And it has helped me alot through the last few years. More than you, my dear reader will know- Its given me the chance to look back and laugh at things my kids have done, its given me the chance to vent and whine and bitch about my life and all my troubles. I have started using it as a diary. A way to deal with what life throws at me. I dont tell everything- contrary to popular belief- LOL , but I do use this as therapy. Its amazing how much better you feel when you are able to get stuff off your chest. And I know I usually entertain you, make you laugh, or at least -shake your head, then turn it up to the heavens and thank the Dear Lord that you are not me. But, I do try to portray an honest picture of our lives. Of my struggles, with raising 4 headstong kids, trying to teach them right from wrong, and trying to be a good parent and person. I needed to get this off my chest, and this is how I do it. So, I hope you understand why I wrote about this.

Now, my kids are home, and I am going to get off here and try to convence them that I didnt do what I did out of spite,or to be mean, but instead, out of love. pure and simple. And I would do it again. It sucks, but thats what being a mom is all about- protecting your children. Even those with fur. Protecting them from current and future hurts, and trying to make their lives easier and safer.