I quit smoking on March 22, 2011 with Electronic Cigarettes

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Just a little funny

My dad sent this to me. He got it in email.

What I learned during the hurricane season

1. Coffee and frozen pizzas can be made on a BBQ grill.

2. No matter how many times you flick the switch, lights don't work without electricity.

3. Kids can survive 4 plus days without a video game controller in their hands.

4. Cats are really irritating without power.

5. He who has the biggest generator wins.

6. Women can actually survive without doing their hair--you just wish they weren't around you.

7. A new method of non-lethal torture - showers without hot water. This is for the lucky ones on city water. If you have a well and no generator, it's time to bathe in the pool!

8. TV is an addiction and the withdrawal symptoms are painful.

9. A 7 lb bag of ice will chill 6-12 oz Budweiser's to a drinkable temperature in 11 minutes, and still keep a 14-pound turkey frozen for 8 more hours..

10. There are a lot of trees around here.

11. Flood plan drawings on some mortgage documents were seriously wrong.

12. Contrary to most natives' beliefs, the speed limit on roads without traffic lights does not increase.

13. Aluminum siding, while aesthetically pleasing, is definitely not required to keep your house standing, and during wind surges becomes flying weapons.

14. Just because you're over 21 doesn't mean you can stay out as late as you want. At least that's what the cops told me during a curfew stop.

15. Crickets can increase their volume to overcome the sound of 14 generators.

16. People will get into a line that has already formed without having any idea what the line is for.

17. When required, most any vehicle will float--doesn' t steer well, but floats just the same.

18. Hurricanes do keep the mailman from his appointed rounds.

19. Tele-marketers function no matter what the weather is doing.

20. Cell phones sometimes work when land lines are down, but only as long as the battery remains charged.

21. Twenty-seven of your neighbors are fed from a different transformer than you, and they are quick to point that out!

22. Laundry hampers were not made to contain such a volume.

23. If I had a store that sold only ice, chainsaws, gas, and generators.. .I'd be rich.

24. The price of a bag of ice rises 200% after a hurricane.

25. Your water front property can quickly become someone else's fishing hole.

26. Tree service companies are under appreciated.

27. MATH 101: 30 days in month, minus 6 days without power equals 30% higher electric bill ?????

28. Drywall is a compound word, take away the 'dry' part and it's worthless..

29. An oak tree on the ground looks four times bigger than it did standing up.

30. When house hunting, look for closets with lots of leg room.

31. AA, C and D are the only alphabet we need (think batteries).

32. Chainsaw-wielding- men are nothing to be afraid of.

33. You can't spell 'priceless' without I-C-E.

34. Gasoline is a value at any price.

35. Candlelight is better than botox. It takes years off your appearance.

36. No matter how hard the wind blows, roadside campaign signs will survive..

Now I have added a few.

37. There are levels of silence, peaceful, slightly annoying and then DEAD. This is the silence that wakes you at 3 in the morning when the generator runs out of gas.

38. There is no such thing as too much clean water.

39. All the no cook foods are the first to go, and everyone gets hungrier when there is no way to nuke something or buy more food.

40. Owning a tractor and a few chainsaws makes you an instant hero.

41. THe one peice of trash you hoped would blow off in your yard is the only thing that didnt. And someone somewhere has a nice set of patio furniture.

42. Rain can go sideways and it can even rain upside down.

43. a tank top and shorts, with flip flops ARE dressing up, if they match, in the aftermath of a hurricane, and acceptable for a funeral that cant wait until power is restored.

44. Your truck or car hood is a good place to sleep when the house never cools down under 87*.

45. Sitting in a hour long line for gas is considered "a great find!" and envied by friends and family

46. Kids will grow tired of Raviolies and beanie weinies.

48. You never have enough spark plugs, baby wipes, or Thermo cell cartridges (skeeter killers).

49. It is perfectly acceptable bathe in the lake. But limit yourself. Others need it too.

50. Kids dont learn, and will continue to get dirty and then cry when you make them take the ice cold torture showers.

And after showing it to a friend, she added a few too.

51 DO NOT under ANY circumstances chew or otherwise ingest the Gum in MRE's, it is a VERY potent laxative.

52. If you did in fact eat the gum, keep it to yourself you idiot.

53. Lawnmowers, power tools, and weedeaters do not survive a good soaking in salt water.

54 Boats will in fact float on a trailer, and break the trusses out of your garage roof.

55 When said floating boat finally comes down it will randomly land on someone's car......

56. If you find it in your yard, it is now yours, whether you wanted it or not.

57. Tetanus shots are painful, mostly after the fact.

58. Your furniture weighs a hell of a lot more when it is soaking wet and muddy.

59. The neighbors crap is ALWAYS better than your crap.

60. when you add " retro" to any item of furniture, it adds value to the replacement cost, even that ugly floral 1970's couch you used to hate.

61 bathing in the lake is acceptable, peeing in the lake is NOT acceptable.

62. National guardsmen, electric lline workers, cable guys, and tree cutters are generaly kinda hot.

1 comment:

Kimmy2303 said...

Hi Chelle - thought I would check in for a quick update on your always interesting family..but nothing since the last time I randomly stopped by. Everything OK?