Insert well thought out and funny title here.

Nothing exciting has happened. BUT, I decided to revisit a few hours of my day with you.
This is what I like to think is the typical day with a 1 year old and a 4 year old. If its not. Please dont tell me otherwise. I prefer to belive that I am as equally tortured as all other moms out there.

I havent felt real chipper the last few days. I started taking chantix again, trying to quit smoking. Well it makes me nausiated, gives me a headache and basicly makes me feel like crap.

Bow took a decent morning nap today-which he should have, he got up with me to get the boys up well before dawn... During which I tried to sleep, but didnt because it was the only time I could get some stuff done.
When he woke up he managed to get a hold of a cookie. I have a box of them, that I am feeding the hogs, its left overs from the fundraiser. Its now in my living room floor. smushed up.
Then he was still hungry, so I made him a peanut butter sandwich. While I was makin this, he pulled the bread off the counter. When I turned around and saw it, leaving the butter knife in the peanut butter, I told him no. then went to pick up the bread. Dusting off the peices I could and throwing the rest to the hogs.
In the meantime, he had crawled up on the table, getting the knife out of the peanut butter and was proceeding to attempt to lick it.
but he couldnt fiqure out how. So, he had peanut butter in his hair, on his forehead, his chin, and even his ear.
I took that away from him, put him back on the floor, and started to smear the peanut butter again.
He jumped down and went and found a juice box thing the kids had brought in from school the day before. He wanted to drink it. So, I got a sippy cup, was sure to let him watch me pour it in, and attempted to put the lid on it. He acted like he hasnt drank in days. Grabbing it. There was a tug of war for a few seconds. You'd be amazed at how strong a year old kid is. Especially when he has a hold of one handle on a cup that is full to the brim of sticky blue liquid. I couldnt jerk it, I couldnt pry his hands away, I just had to talk him out of it.

Finally, I got him all set up. went to pick him up to put him in his chair and as I picked him up I noticed that his butt was bare. No diaper. I wondered how long it had been gone. And then my question was answered when I took a step to bring him back into the livingroom to put a new one on him.
So, I threw a papertowell on the puddle and headed back to the livingroom.

Luckily, as I reached around to find the duct tape, he was able to jump up and run off. Where he ran STRAIT to my bathroom, to stick his hands in my toilet.

Finally, I got him washed, dried and duct taped and tried to tie him in his high-chair, he DID not want to sit there. He wanted in Daddy's chair. So, I let him go there. I sat down to drink some tea.
BR called in the meantime, so I went to get the phone. Bow followed me in here, with his sandwhich. pushing his fingers through the bread, and opening it up to lick the peanut butter out of the inside. I never let the kids eat in the living room, so back to the kitchen we went.
Anyway. I called my mother, told her I would be by to pick up Rayley with in the next two hours. I just wanted to get Bow fed. and I was going to pick up some sprite. She wanted to know if I would get her a pack of cigerettes while I was at the store, and said she was just getting Rayley out of the bathtub, so she would be dressed.

It wasnt long until the tea was not setting well. I sat there as long as I could, Finally I had to rush to the bathroom. While I was in there, puking my guts up; Bow finished his sandwhich and decided to eat the hot sauce and doritos that was sitting on the table, from earlier in the day. I had poured it and ate some during one of the times I was feeling a little better. I like spicy stuff when I am nausiated for some odd reason.

He was eating it, with the chips, with the rest of his sandwhich, with his hands, and with gusto. By the time he was done it was all over him, the table and the chair.

He had to have a bath. But I just didnt feel like kneeling over the bathtub and letting him soak me.
So, I grabbed him up, and took him in my bathroom, I was going to shove him in the shower, and myself too. Since I had peanut butter in MY hair, and pee on my foot, and hotsause all over me.

I turned on the shower and he stuck his head in. It was still ice cold, so he squealed, and took off running. I had to chase him down. in the meantime he grabbed up my duct tape, I guess he was going to hide behind it. So I took it and tossed it to the side, grabbed him up, squealing the whole way, and brought him back. I started to undress and he started using my shirt to wipe off his hands. Apparently the peanut butter and hot sauce was too messy for him.

In we got. I bathed him, then he sat and played in the water while I washed my hair.
about the time I had soap in my eyes and water all over my face, the shower door opened. Out went Mr Nekid, to promptly pee in the floor.

I got rinsed off, proud that not only had I managed to get soap on most of my body, while washing his squirming butt, BUT had managed to wash my hair. This SELDOM happens in the same shower. sometimes not even the same day for me.

Of course then it was time to get dressed, dried off and a diaper on little monster. He had to have a fresh one, because he had already wet the one that he was wearing during lunch.
Back to the living room with him. To put the diaper on him, I got it on and realized the duct tape was not in the basket with the diapers. So I got up to get it. He took off. stripping his diaper as he went. back to the kitchen, where I had not gotten that mess cleaned up.

I grabbed him up. Diapered him again, duct taped him, and seriously concidered using more on his hands, then went to clean the mess up.

My mom called in the meantime. Was I coming and bringing her cigerettes?

I told her I was coming soon. It hadnt been an hour yet. That was fine, just dont forget the cigerettes. I was trying hard not to puke, needed that sprite that I would be going to get, and if I could make it down my bumpy driveway with out chunking my cookies again, I would remember.

I just wanted to sit for a few minutes. At this time I got the bright idea that since Bow was playing quietly I would clean and paint my toenails. SO, I went and picked out a funky color. Pumpkin Orange. I decided to do a french manicure wiht it. SO, I was painting my toenails, Bow was bouncing around. and he got into the turkey calls. I cant stand the sound of a turkey call, its like someone grating their nails on a chalk board.
I jumped up and got him out from behind BR's chair, and started back to my nails. I got finished right about the time Bow fell and hit his head, while trying to climb back behind BR's chair.
He quit a few seconds later, then I was done with the tips, so I set the brush in the polish on my computer desk.
Its a portable one, that my laptop sits on. In front of the couch.
Well a commercial with music came on, Bow started dancing, and then decided to take off running, smack dab into the back of it. knocking the polish off on the couch, I still had my foot up in my lap, kinda sitting indian style, but with my foot on the other knee that was up. SO, the polish landed UNDER my rear, kinda between my thigh and the couch.
I had my brand new work out pants on. just got them on clearence at walmart, You would have to know me, to know JUST how much I LOVE a good pair of work out pants. And I will NEVER buy them. Cause I aint payin 12 bucks or more for a pair of lounge pants!
ANYWAY, I had BRIGHT orange nail polish on my PANTS, and MY couch, pouring out, UNDER my butt.
Bow was NOT hurt. and I refrained from hurting him.
Matter of fact, he bounced right back up, and while I was still in shock and just letting the polish pour everywhere, he climbed up on the couch, trying to get into my lap. Just laughin and wanting kisses.
getting blood all over my shirt as he climbed on top of me. He had busted his lip. He never even knew it.
I jumped up, threw him to the side and tried to scrub the polish out of my pants. It wont work. and now I cant just throw on some to go to ball practice in.

I wiped it up off the couch. Luckily after 4 years of kids, its consistantly stained, this one doesnt stick out.

I realized about this time that a massive dose of the smell of fingernail polish was NOT what my almost gone nausia needed. And the phone rang. I looked at the caller ID. I guess my 2nd hour had started. I was SURE I said an hour or TWO.

Alas, I decided that no matter how bad I felt, I needed to go then. Before I ended up not being in such a good mood.

I got dressed, brushed my still wet hair, and went to get Bow dressed. He was playing in some fake makeup that Rayley has.

I washed him up, found his clothes after stepping on 3 matchbox cars and a sweet gum ball in the kids room. If you have never seen a sweet gum ball, you need to google it. Its a seed type thing that grows on sweet gum trees. And its about the size of a wallnut, perfectly round. with these perfect spikes coming off of it all around. Hard, Sharp, spikes. This piece of natures bounty is what the mace of midevil times is fashioned after. Except they were not able to construct something so cruel and dangerous out of mere steal, God has the design down to a science though.

So, on my way OUT of the room when I yelped and reached down to assess the damamge to my tender foot, I apparently dropped Bow's shorts. But didnt realize it until I had his shirt on him and was looking for them. I went back to try and find them. I was fairly certain I had gotten them. I remembered, the shorts and shirt didnt match. But I didnt give a rats ass either.

SO, I head back into the temple of destruction, and yes, there sat the shorts. in the general vicinity of where I had found the innocent sweet gum ball. Of course it was no longer there. I had thrown it on their bed. THEN pulled their covers up over it.

But I was afraid it had friends. SInce you cant see the floor- at all- you dont know what is under the peice of paper, T shirt, socks, blanket, and various larger toys that you kick out of the way. I braved it, got the shorts, came back in and went to put them on him. He had decided it was a good time to change a dirty diaper. The one I just put on him. And dirty it was. But it was no longer ON him. SO, I cleaned that up. THEN I put more duct tape, another diaper and the shorts on him.

Finally we made it out the door.
To the store. Where of course the total was 10.18 and I had only brought in a 10.00 bill and my checkbook. I wasnt putting back either of my sodas, so I wrote a check.
I had forgotten that I had taken my cash out of my checkbook and put it in my wallet. So when I just grabbed up the checkbook, I was still thinking I had a 20.00 and a 10.00. Of course, when I put the 20.00 in my wallet, I had decided I had lost the 10 someplace, since it wasnt readily avalible... Oh well. Typical.

Then I went to mothers to fetch Rayley. 5 minutes later we were back home.

and most of that was time spent driving UP my driveway. the rain is never nice to it.

I was starving, so I asked the kids if they wanted anything to eat. No, Rayley didnt. Bow always wants to eat. I decided on Apple slices and peanut butter. Again, I asked. No, she wasnt hungry.

I cleaned my apple, walking back and forth across the kitchen from where I was laying it on a plate, to the hog bucket, that is on the other counter. Bow followed every step. With his 'ee' 'ee'. Which I have guessed means 'eat'. I walked back and forth. peeling, coring each quarter, and cleaning up. I talked to him the entire time. Being a good mommy.

Then I returned to my plate, to put peanut butter on each slice. while Bow proceeded to get a chair, push it to the hog bucket and dig out what he wanted. Throwing the rest on the floor. I had put the last of the hot sauce in there, the doritos, the apple peal, and the rest of his sandwich.

I turned around, stopped him, cleaned him up, and sat him on the floor. Then tried to clean the floor. That wasnt working. I shoo'd him out, but he went around the table at some point I reckon.
Then I went back to putting peanut butter on the peices. Its not that easy. it doesnt like to stick.

and I heard the sound of sand hitting the floor from about 12 feet away. Where my laundry room is. So, I went in there, to dig him out of the litter box, for the 4th time today. (the other three were BEFORE his little nap this morning) This meant I had to sweep up the floor again, wash him up again, and only after that could I eat.

I took him to my bathroom to wash his hands, then I set him down, dried him off, and decided I was now soaking wet, so I walked into the closet to change my shirt. I heard him walk out. So I found a shirt, glad he wasnt in the toilet and headed back to finish making my apple.

I got the 5th peice done and Rayley starts screaming, bloody murder, a blood curdiling scream that would wake the dead. I dropped my apples and took off running. Now Bow was screaming. Then I heard "LET GO! ITS MINE!!" and "AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG" I walked in, Bow had her little makeup tray, that I had told her time and again to get OFF my makeup table, and was digging in with both hands. She had ahold of the edge and pulling with all her might.
I disentangled them, reminded Rayley that I had told her time and again to put it up, and told Bow, once again, that he was NOT supposed to play with her make up.

He followed me back to the kitchen, saying 'uh' the whole time. That is the extent of his language skills, "ee", and "uh".

I finished my apple slices, leaving two without peanut butter, to try and keep the mess Bow made to a minimum. Then we went into the livingroom to sit down. I hadnt gotten the first bite half way to my mouth and in walked Rayley.
"that sure does smell good, what did you say it was again? peanut butter and apple? I love peanut butter, and like apples pretty well too"
So, I handed her the slice.
Bow is pointing at my plate saying "ee" "ee" and I give him a slice.

I reach down for another, and Rayley says "gosh, wish I had told you to make me some"
So I gave her another one. Tossing one in my mouth quickly so I at least get a bite. Bow dropped his. So I picked it up, blew it off and handed it back.

I was still chewing and Rayley says " You should mke this more often mom"
lookoing at me forloinly.
I gave her another.
Then it was Bow again. "ee" "ee"
before I knew it, there is one left.
Rayley says "those sure were good mom, But I am going to let you have the last one. I wont even ask for it"
I just handed her my plate. Telling her to put it in the sink when it was empty.

Glad she wasnt hungry.

She came back through. and sat beside me. Bow was finally on the floor playing, not in my lap for the first time all day (that I had been sitting) and she says
"you look awful comfertable mom"
"I am Rayley, I am wore out"
" Oh "
"why?"
"a drink sure would be nice right now"
So, I got up and got her a drink. Then saw the mess made by Bow, who was feeding the dogs as I made the drink. I swept it up.
and when I went to put up the broom in the laundry room, guess who I saw?
Yep. Bow. in the litter again.
this time he ran like a scalded dog.
I finally got all that done. Came back in here, sat down and Bow climbed in my lap. Sans the diaper.
I dug out another, gathered up the duct tape and went to work. once I was done, had wiped his snotty nose for the 87th time today and was trying to enjoy my cold drink, he decided he needed to go down for a nap.
I guess that being told no and getting swatted all day is quite exhausting.

As I type this he is laying here nursing, with one hand in his diaper, going to sleep. Just in time for the boys to walk in the door from school.

Once they get here, its time to cook supper, finish up homework that Brett has been trying to get out of all week, and practicing Matts pitching skills. I will be catching for him, because Brett is going to get that homework done, come hell or high water.

Then its time to slop the hogs, put the chickens to bed, clean the kitchen, eat supper, reclean the kitchen, and supervise baths.

So, there is a few hours out of my day.
I never did get that nap.
I am just glad that Bow and Rayley were on their best behavior today. As bad as I feel, I couldn't have dealt with them being whiney, all over the place, clingy, or worrying me to death all day. Cause there are days that I literly think they could worry the arms off a rag doll.



******************
The boys did get home, promptly woke up Bow and I told Brett to get his homework done and Matt to find his cleats.
He looked for 45 minutes. throwing himself around and being a general pain. He was very tired from getting home at 10:30 last night and getting up to go to school before 6 this morning.

Finally we found the shoes. I tried my hardest to catch for him. He is doing SOOOO good to have never tossed a ball across the plate. BUT it is impossible to catch a fast ball, coming at your head, when you are trying to watch and keep Bow from getting in the way.

SO I got a brain storm. I went and got my cooler out of my truck. Just the normal rectangle type. and set it on end infront of the plate. I told Matt to get 5 balls and throw them at it.

I went over to where Bow was, he had found the tractor by now and was sitting in the seat, pretending to drive, pointing at me, pulling at me and saying "UH" "UH" he wanted to go for a ride. But I watched Matt for a few minutes. He started knocking down the cooler with about every 3rd pitch.

Thats not a very large area. smaller than the strike zone he has.
I decided it was time to feed the hogs, told Bow thats what we needed to do, so he started off for the hog pen.
I went in and got the slop. We fed them, then went to put the chickens to bed. They are still in a cage inside the coop at night. I was squatted down in front of it, petting one, and Bow was squatted in front of me. He got excited, jumped up, hit me in the mouth with his hard as chinese arithmatic head, DIRECTLY in the mouth. busting my lip. which then bled. like a stuck hog.

I calmly stood up, grabbed him by his grubby little hand, he needs a bath, badly, and told him it was time to leave.

To the house we came. Where Brett is no longer doing homework, and Matt is no longer pitching at my blue cooler. Instead Brett has a bat, and Matt is pitching to him.
This is why you cant leave them alone. they always get a 'good idea'.

It started out that Brett was just holding a bat and standing there. So Matt knew a kid was there. it would help, they told me.
THEN BRett started sticking out the bat, just in a bunt, and they were counting it as a perfect strike.

Now, as I sit in the house, typing this and pretending I dont have SOS* to make for supper, I can hear the crack of the bat, and the scream of a kid hollering, while another screams and says "that one was a strike TOO!"
I am waiting for the fight to start. Because start it will. One will get hurt, usually BY the other one. One will get mad, not just upset, but 'bite a nail in two' mad, and they will end up rolling around on the ground fightin tooth and nail. or coming in here, slamming the door, and rewaking up the snoring and oh so cute, although dirty, child I have in my lap., just to tattle on the other one. When if they had just done what I said, there would be peace in the world.

Anyway, that up there was from about noon till 3. The kids were home by 3:30.


Oh and before anyone asks.
*SOS
(shit on the shingles)

as much ground sausage as your family would eat in a meal, browned (hamburger meat will work just fine) I use 3 or so pounds.
drain and set to the side
make some cream gravy. Heavy on the pepper. (cause thats how you make cream gravy. 'enough pepper to tickle the innards'
Make some toast, or biscuts. (I am using some of the hamburger buns left over from the fundraiser)
put them on a plate, pour the SOS over them.
You can add a few veggies if you want. We are going to have some peas that were left over from the other night**.

and there is a poor mans supper.

There shouldnt have been any peas left over. I made pork chops, smothered, Mashed taters and biscuts. And had already made the peas and put them in the microwave to keep warm. We were down to eating the last of the biscuts with syrup for dessert and Rayley said "mom, I never got no peas!!" in her 'you hate me and mistreat me all the time' voice.
BR said "there isnt any"
the boys echo'd him.
and it dawned on me. I had set the table and left them in the microwave. So, I have a huge pot full of peas to eat. and tonight sounds like a good night to eat them.