well, make my day....

Okay, Today was the funeral. I got up, got the kids dressed and got dressed myself. I was already feeling a little crappy about myself. The skirt and shirt I was wearing were not quite fitting as they should or rather the skirt didnt. it was all I could do to suck it in and get it buttoned.

Now, to understand this you would have to know. For MANY MANY years I was little. I was 5 ft 2, and had the 'perfect' measurements. I had a nice body. There were times when I was too skinny. when I would have to wear size 12 in little girls, cause 0's were too hard to find. I wasnt really happy with my weight at that time, but was content. I would get back up to 105 pounds. Wear a 3 and feel pretty good. I did have to work to maintain the weight. I tend to loose if I am not careful. But never had to excersize. I never had a 6 pack abs stomache. But that cute little pouchy one as BR called it. Not muffin top puochy, just not hard as a rock.

Then I got pregnant with Brett. I gained 73 pounds in less than 5 months. I was a little underweight when I became pregnant, but went into the hospital weighing 166 pounds. I left weighing 160. He weighed 6.

My Dr had been on me for a while about gaining all that weight. But with out diet or excersize, I shocked him at my 6 week check up. I was back down to 110. I looked great, I felt great. Honestly, it just fell off.

Then I got knocked up again. 25 pounds this time. well before my 6 week check up I had lost the 20 pounds that was not Matt. (he weighed 5 pounds 14oz)

Again I was back in my old clothes. Then along comes the shock of another pregnancy 4 years later. about 25-30 pounds. She was born in June. the 21st. By the time school started in August I was back down in my 3's. I looked REALLY good.

Things happened, stress came, and I lost down to about 98 pounds.
Then I got a job. I gained 23 pounds in about a month. I decided to loose about 5 pounds and did. Right around 115-118 and I am happy. Actually I was THRILLED. I was REALLY looking good.
I could wear anything and looked great in it. I did have a slight problem with the gut. C sections do that to you. I dont know why, but they do. But I decided for the first time in my life to excersize. I was doing 200 sit ups a day.

Well thats not true. In High School I did weight lifting. that was excersize. And I used to have a farm. Throwing 50 lb bails of hay and throwing down 100 pound goats on a daily basis is excersize.

Then I got knocked again. I gained about 30 pounds. I still havent lost it all. a year later. I am down to close to my target of 120. Of course I dont excersize. I dont diet. I did do sit ups for a while. But realized they were doing NOTHING. these C sections literly screwed me up bad. So, I am constatnly trying to hide my gut.

Well, this skirt was so tight I could barely breath. BUT, I had to wear it. LOL I am not totally down on everything, but the gut is my hated spot. I despise it. I am happy with my weight. and dont want to loose any. I just want the gut to go away. badly.

BR got home around 8:30. We had to leave by 9. He had to have a shower.
Once I got everyone dressed, reironed his shirt (I really should buy a board. I iron everything on top of the washer.. not easy. Especially with a 3X shirt.)

And I told BR we had to leave, I had to get some panty hose. of course I got the typical stupid questions
"you were just in town, you didnt realize you NEEDED them?"
"You are a woman, how do you NOT have panty hose?"
"Do you really have to have them? alot of women dont wear them nowdays"
"what is your aversion to shaving your legs?"
"do you REALLY think a convience store will have panty hose?"

They went on and on, but you get the jist.

SO we are driving down the road, we have to drive a ways to get there, and a truck pulls out in front of us. So we had to slow down. BR says "well, I want you to look at this Dumb SOB"
"sorry babe. But its your parents.... "
"I know. Amazing isnt it?"
and from the backseat
"gee, they must know that dad is driving, even pawpaw aint stupid enough to pull out in front of mom. She says she is an equal oppertunity rammer.
We were in a hurry. I told BR, "where is the next passing zone? cause we have to get there"
It was coming up and so we blew by them. Stupid stupid stupid.

As we were driving along and I was finally getting used to having a cinch around my waiste cutting off all feeling to my extrimities. and I sneezed. Then I heard a pop. YEP. damn button. Luckily the zipper is a good one. My grandmother was a great seamstress (oh she made this suit for my mom about 10 years ago. My mom is 5 ft 8. )

Anyway, we gt to the store and I run in. I looked all over. then I asked. the girl goes and looks. There is ONE pair of NUDE knee highs.
I was wearing a black suit and multicolored (browns and blacks, and mauves) jacket, it came to my knees.

I got them, hopeing they were made for a really tall woman.

They wernt. So we went on to the grocery store. I ran in. Of course its old people time. So I had to wait behind all these people buying groceries and chatting wiht the cashier. Who was old as dirt herself.

It was 9:34. I had to be there by 10.

Finally I check out. Run out to the truck and get the hose on while BR drives.
We got there, it was already packed. ANd all the kids got out and in we went.

There was a seat beside my inlaws and so I sent the boys up there. The pew behind them had 2 seats so BR and I sat with Bow in my lap and Rayley in his. or visa versa. it flipped so many times I lost count.
This was at 9:43. I know cause my SIL was texting me. She was running late and letting me know where she was and needing to know where to turn and such. (yes it was on vibrate).

By 9:52 I was wore out. Bow wanted down. He wanted to play. He was playing iwt BR's Cowboy hat, he was taking the band off, he was kicking off his boots, he was squealing like a ... I dont know what. But he was enjoying it. He was wanting to flip. (he puts his body on your lap, head at your knees, and throws his feet over his head while you hold his hands. Rayley used to do this too) But there was no room. I finally got up at 9:57 and walked into the hallway. The pallbearers were coming in.

I took him into the hall and saw the late sister in law. She was taking her 6 year old to the bathroom. Then she had to go into a side room cause it was filled in the chapel.

Bow was pretty good as long as I was holding him and walking. for about 5 minutes. So I went outside with him. There was no room in the funeral home to take him. Every one of them had a group of people sitting in there.

So outside we went. I let him walk around. That was all he wanted. to get down and play. I let him. Well there was still a funeral home worker out there. He walked up adn was talking to us. It was hot out there. like 77*. and I was in black, with a big old Jacket thing on. that is lined. and VERY thick. liek made of tapestry.

But I was polite. and I chatted. while chasing my brat on the side of the street. or runing between all the parked cars. There is NOT a car at that funeral that doesnt have a Bow handprint on it.

Mr. Talkative was real nice. and even offered me a tombstone to sit on (the ones they have in front for advertisement. not SOMEONE's....) I told him no, I was fine. That I would have to chase the kid anyway.
"well, rest your feet if you can, maybe you can wrangle up someone to help you watch him for a while. give you a rest."

I just smiled. said I wouldnt ask someone to leave a service to take care of him. that would be rude, he was my responsibility.

I picked him up a few times, and he would squeal and throw himself backwards to get back down. The guy I am chatting with. I would put him at about 38, finally says... and I am NOT kidding.
"well shoot granny, he just wants down to play."

Now I thought I didnt hear him just right. so I went on. I started to follow bow through the cars and he kept talking.

Then not just ONCE more but TWICE more, he in some way refered to me as Granny.

He even showed me where everyone would be coming out and told me to sit on the bench to 'rest myself' before that pretty sister of his came out and really ran me ragged. And he said 'she is about 4 or 5 right?' I told him she is 4.

Now, Its not like I wasnt already kinda pissy cause I had lost my youthful fiqure. or at least my youthful waste. I sure miss that waiste....
BUT this guy is calling me GRANNY! I tried to do the math. for ME to have a year old grandson and a 4 year old granddaughter, I would have to have had a kid at 14 and my kid would have had to have one at 14. This IS possible. and to be fair, I was in Tyler County, BUT, damn.

The more I thought about it, the more I was laughing. I tried to get mad. seriously. but it was just so rediculus. Plus I knew my dear and loving husband would tell me what an idiot dumb guy was as soon as I told him.

So when he came out I did tell him.
"hhhmmpppp, its that frumpy coat thing. You should have worn that little black dress you have. "
"its a flippin funeral!!"
"so. its just as long as that one. just tighter. "

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

And since my kids overheard me telling BR, and so did a sister in law, who proceeded to tell everyone else, they are now calling me granny.

They better stop. or I will find a few more walls for them to scrub....


I did miss the entire funeral. BR said it was really nice. He said he did pretty good, till a gospel song by Allen Jackson came on. He said it was one of the most beautiful songs he had ever heard. Dancing with Angels or something. Thats where he lost it.
Rayley was good the whole time he said. and the boys were too.

HE took over Bow duty at the cemetary, so I could pray there. Bow had a blast. There were leaves all over and he was loving playin in them. And running in the sunshine.