The great white hope-- he aint

Most of y'all know Bow is my dear darlin baby. The one that will drive a saint to drink and a Pope to cuss. He is walking and bouncing, and flipping off stuff, on purpose and on accident. He has no sense of easy. Everything he does is full steam ahead. and he is like a bull in a china shop. Its scary, funny and has made more than one person gasp and clutch their heart.


Tonight I was trying to go through my coupons, it was a daunting task. There were hundreds to cut, catalog and file. I had to decide those to keep, those I knew I could use and get out my expireds. Plus I wanted to go through and add up the expireds and get them ready for sending overseas to military families that are stationed out of country.

BR had just woken up and was trying to eat. Bow was all over both of us, and we had asked the kids repeatedly to play with him. Around that time the phone rang. I jokingly told BR it was his other half. His brother Luke was calling to tell him somthing about work.

So, the phone rang, I had 487 coupons in my lap and bow was trying his hardest to eat as many as he could. BRett came to rescue me. He convinced him to go into his room. So the little guy toddled off after his brother wiht a squeal and a faster pace. 23 seconds later Matt came running in,
"OH MY GOD MOM! I am SOOOO sorry!!"
I looked at him blankly.
I heard Bow screaming, but not a death curdiling scream, more of a 'I want my way right NOW' type scream.
so Matt, says "its bad!! real bad!! blood everywhere!!"
again with the blank stare, and looking at him trying to find the blood.
Well about that time, Brett comes out, hollering "we didnt do it! I swear, he was running and then he fell and .... ohhhhh.. the blood!!! "
Then he runs out, back into his room, I got up, and coupons went everywhere. the 'good' pile, the 'expired' pile, the 'trade' pile, the 'send to coupon circle' pile. they all landed in the 'trash' pile on the floor. They wouldnt have, but my helpful kids were trying to help...

Bow was still crying, Matt is wringing his hands and hollering 'the blood! the blood!' Brett is saying "please let him be okay!" "please mom, help him!" and Rayley is running around, bound and determined to trip me screaming "I'm scared! I'm scared!!" and BR is saying to Luke "yep, just a typical day"

I went and got Bow from Brett, they were telling me that he had been running/walking and became airborne and hit the bedframe. It was less than a minute after he did it that I see this:



He had already stopped crying. and never said a word after I got him. I just went and got a paper towell, wet it and wiped off the blood. Then tried to find something to ice it with.




He didnt appriciate me trying to do that. and the kids were twittering around like dang birds, scared to death, freaking out, and on the verge of puking.

Everytime I stopped short it was a domino effect, one would run into me, another into them and the third into that one. Finally I sat down. It wasnt worth being rearended.

Bow sat in my lap, faught me while I took the pictures. (he wantd the camera, wouldnt keep his head turned so I could see the swole up cut, wanted to smile, and was generaly just a pain. ) finally he got down and went back to playing.




It does look pretty bad, well, right now, it looks pretty funny. when he went to sleep I put some horse medicain on it, and the only bandaid in the house. a huge barbie one.. He did wake up once, and the bandaid keeps his eye half closed. he really looked funny then. Like an albino Stallone. But the swelling had went down some, and its not colored up. It is still kinda gaping, and I might try to put a butterfly on it a little later. But he doesnt take kindly to you putting things on him. I dont fiqure the bandaid will last long once he wakes up.

So, since he has gotten his first fight called cause of a cut, I dont think we will be seeing him walking down the ramp with a towell on his head, bouncing into the ring with his entorage and loud obnoxious music playing.



He just swells up too quick. Now if he learns to pick his battles and quits attacking stationary metal objects, can learn to dive and duck and weave, he might have a chance.

And yes, he has on a pink shirt. About a week ago he went in Rayley's room and opened a drawer and was pulling out clothes. Then he walked around for a while trying to put one on. it was pink with pink stripes. So finally I slipped it over his head, then after a little while he got both arms in. He wouldnt let me take it off him all day. he was so proud of dressing himself, and he slept in it that night. The only way I got it off him was wiht a bath. He will do anything for a bath!


About 15 minutes after it was all said and done BR headed into the kitchen. Bow followed but was headed full speed ahead and ran smack into a wall when he didnt take the turn quick enough. He landed on his butt. It was just a clean bounce. BR stopped turned around and honestly, you couldnt help but laugh. He just sat there stunned, and then started to tune up. BR said something to him and kinda chuckled, so he got up and went on into the kitchen where he proceeded to try to climb into a chair and onto the kitchen table.

After BR left, I told the kids that I wanted some help cleaning the kitchen. Since they had done nothing but eat and dirty dishes all day. They whined and pouted. But I started off by saying
"who wants to empty the dishwasher"
silence
"who wants to fill the dishwasher"
silence
"one of you is going to do one of them and the other the other"
"I'll empty it!" says Matt
"No! I want to empty it" says Brett
I told them that Matt called it.
But Brett insisted on rock paper sissors.
Brett won with paper over rock.
Matt wanted 2 out of 3.
I made Brett comply, cause everytime Brett looses he insists on it.
both got paper
then Matt with sissors and Brett with paper
so the tie breaker was up.
it was rock and paper again. In Matts favor this time.
Matt preened and Brett went back to pouting. We all finished our pie. I was a really bad mom tonight. We all had a peice of each of the pies for supper. plus a little dressing and cranberry with ham for desert while I put it all up.

I fiqured they had eaten enough all day to make 5 meals, so no big deal.

We chatted for a little while, I reminded Matt that emptying the dishwasher meant to put UP the dishes, not stack them on the counter and to put the silverware in the right places. He just smiled and nodded. And I reminded Brett that he had to clear the table and rinse out the food.

Then I got up and went to clean Bow up. Shortly thereafter Matt came to the bathroom and said "Brett unloaded the dishwasher and now wants ME to load it"
"oh HELL no, he didnt"
"oh yea.. he did"
so I told Brett to go ahead and load it too. well this was met with resistance. He couldnt belive I wasnt going to make Matt do it. I explained that Matt had to unload, he had to load.
"But I forgot and so we will just switch"
"thats not how it works, and you didnt forget, you just bullied yourself into it"
"really, I forgot"
"really, you couldnt have, we just talked about it 4 minutes ago, now get it done"
he came up with some crap about it breaking the rules. I insisted that he would learn to listen.

While he did that I told Rayley and Matt to clean up her floor and they could watch a movie. Matt was sitting on the edge of the chair and just sat there. Then as soon as I stopped talking he started with some inane story. I asked him if he knew what I said.
"of course"
"okay, what did I say?"
"I just told you I heard you."
"well, what did I say?"
"gosh mom, if you dont remember already, you really are loosing it"
"matt. what did I say?"
"word for word?"
"that would be nice"
"well,, ummmm, you said..... 'Rayley and Matt, listen to me'... then mumble mumblemumbleMoviemumble mumble .... alot of other stuff, and 'what did I say?'"
"what was the other stuff?"
"I dont know, I have already forgotten..."
"matt, you have GOT to start listening"
"But mom... I have short term memory loss"
"no son, you have HIA syndrome, you need to fiqure out WHAT I said, and do it"
"well, alright" and he got up to leave
"where you going?"
"to watch a movie, thats what you said, I remember you said MOVIE"

So I explained it again. Then the phone rang, while I was talking to BR I was flipping through the guide, and came across Polar Express. Both boys had seen it back when they were in 1st grade and kinder, but I never had. So I decided to let them watch it. I told them to get a few blankets, come in here and sleep and watch the movie.

They jumped on that like a chicken on a June bug.

BEfore they settled in, I told them to all go pee. (I swear, they will be in college and I will have to call them and remind them to pee) Well Matt went first, and he came in here and stood in front of me and said "mom, I am sorry, I didnt mean to... then burst into tears and started saying "your gona kill me, your gona be SOOO mad!"
I fiqured I knew what happened, but I just asked him, he said, "please dont be mad! please let us watch the movie"
"matt, what happened?" I fiqured the toilet overflowed again.
"I was just flushing it and then I heard a pop and then .... OH NO!! Dad is gona be SOOO mad!! are toilets expensive??? "
I was trying hard not to laugh. I told him not to worry I could fix it. it wasnt a big deal, the handle just broke. it happens.
"but, now dad will have to come in from working all night and fix it, and the last time he had to fix the toilet it took forever, and the time before that it took all day and he broke like 5 things!"
"first of all, the last time he was changing the ballcock in my bathroom, and its one of those newfangled ones and it would have been easier if he had read the instructions. , second, that other time he had to remove the toilet, and ...well, he doesnt do that type of stuff well.. and its messy. and third off all, I am usually the one that fixes the toilets, I have fixed ours when that happens a few times, and would have been the one to change the ballcock BUT, your dad had insisted that I go and buy him a new one RIGHT THEN, and then didnt put it on for over a month, so I let it sit there and we had to finagle it to make it shut off. So, I will fix it, Dont fret. Daddy doesnt even use that bathroom. Now dry your tears and lay down to watch the movie. " I fiqured it had pulled loose or something, not really broken.

In the meantime, Brett goes in there, and he says "ohhhh, he really did break it, smooth in half!!"

so he hugged and kissed me and then I hollered "but its a part I have to order, so now everytime someone uses the bathroom you have to go in there, take the lid off, put your hand in there and flush it manually" He turned white as a ghost and became kinda dejected.

"really?, I have to?"
"yep"
"but, but what if someone..."
"yep"
"can you just holler, scream and beat me with in an inch of my life?"
"for what? cause a cheap peice of plastic on a cheap toilet in a crappy trailer broke after 2 years of being in this clorine drenched water?--- Sweetie, that is NOT your fault. that handle has been pulled at least 2,000 times since we moved in, it was just your bad luck it happened to YOU"
"But, but, thats not fair"
"I am sorry sweetie"
then Brett messed it all up, by saying "We just gona leave the lid off? since Rayley cant pick it up? till you get a new one? I already taught her how to flush it"

So Matt started to grin and told me "and you are always telling people we got our mean streak from dad..."

We watched the movie, it wasnt bad. I really liked the message especially since Brett keeps telling Matt that Santa isnt real. He wont admit he doesnt belive, and swears he does, but his friends are telling him otherwise. Matt will ask me, and I tell him that as long as you belive - he is there. and that I still belive. I will buy them each a bell, since I think this will be their last 'true' Christmas. The other kids are getting awful convincing. I sure hate it, but such is life I reckon. Brett hasnt said anything, but I know they have discussed it amongst themselves. Plus it didnt help when I had Matt dump some old boxed taters outside last summer and he came in and said "That stuff looked an awful lot like that snow Santa leaves in the living room!" and a slip up I made the other day when Rayley asked how long snow lasts in the house, I said it doesnt, that it melts quickly when you bring it in. Matt said "but you said Santa's snow is magic, and thats why it doesnt melt when he drops it off his boots in the living room."
This kid cant remmeber to wipe, but remembers what I said last year in the flurry of opening presents..

Now they are all asleep. I have woken Bow up a few times to make sure he doesnt have a concussion, and I think the day is done.

And as a closing note, How ticked off do you think Rayley was when she saw Bow hitching a ride in Barbies car??





Edit'd to add:
Blacx tried to find my trailer homeschoolin song on youtube, (THANKS!!!) but couldnt, so I am fixing to break some copywrite laws, and give you the lyrics. :)
(sorry Tim, but, it just fits soooo well!!) And for those of y'all that have never heard Tim Wilson sing, you have GOT to go and listen. I recomend you start off with church league softball, its less likely to offend :)

well the high school wrote momma a note,
and told her Dennis couldnt come back
so she went down to the principals office
and read them the riot act
She said all y'all been to College
and cant keep kids from cutting up in class,
y'all are smart and all
but you aint got the brains justa whip Dennis' ass

I'm gona mobile home school my kids,
gona break out the double wide belt like my daddy did
I can teach them to read and write
and I got enough to play football friday night,
were finally on financial aide
so I'm just gona give them all good grades
and thats all she had to say, so we'll see y'all at UCLA

Well the high school wrote momma another note
and told momma the rest of us oughta stay,
and she said I've seen them SOB's BS from the NEA
She said Go grab your stuff out of your homeroom,
and take it home to your room right now,
I've seen this stupid school,
they got half these fools out in trailers anyhow.

I'm gona mobile home school my kids,
they'll have to learn it like Lincoln did
I wont expell or suspend,
well get out a belt and wear out a bunch of rear ends,
our test scores reflect and show,
we know enough about sex and Tornado's .
Them trailers are about the same,
so we'll see y'all up at Notre Dame.


He said it was still a work in progress. But I just couldnt help but die laughing when I heard it. Cause the general consensus from everyone I have talked to out here is that I should just home school these two, since they were suspended from the bus and such. And I havent totally decided against it. For sure I will if my Mother in law stops working. Nothing they are involoved in revoloves around them being in school. to be honest, I am probebly leaving them in for purely selfish reason... I cant do the PTA if they aint there! LOL